Seven Deadly Sins
by Downside-Left
Summary: Various BTVS-characters and their seven deadly sins. Multiple characters per sin, and multiple sins per character. Drabble-y. All seasons and pairings.
1. That Will Never Be Me: Envy

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: No idea where this came from, but let's see where it goes! First up, ENVY.

Title: Seven Deadly Sins

Summary: Various BTVS-characters and their seven deadly sins. Multiple characters per sin, and multiple sins per character. Drabble-y.

Chapter 1: 'That Will Never Be Me (Envy)'

_Spike, post Fool for Love, pre Into The Woods (season 5)_

It stings every time I see them together. Her and Captain Cardboard. Walkin' around in the sunlight, in front of her friends, the way she never will with me. Doesn't matter that she doesn't love him. She thinks she does, and he either believes it or pretends he does. I could kill him. Well, not could; stupid bloody chip. I would, though.

I know she'll never love me. Even if he dropped dead of heart failure today, and she turned to me for comfort (don't bloody know why she would), it wouldn't be love. It'd be her using me. I know that. I know it deep in my bones.

I'm a monster. That's all I am to her. That's all I'll ever be.

She wants a human, someone who can stand with her day and night, light and dark. Not for always and eternity, but for _life_. She wants an actual man.

That will never be me.

-*-

_Xander, post Entropy (season 6)_

I've lost everything. The girl of my dreams, who I really do love, hates me. I really think she'd kill me if she could.

She kind of already has.

Why is it that the girls I care about most (in _that_ way, I mean) turn to the same guy for comfort? And why isn't that guy me? Why is it the undead guy who tried to kill us multiple times? Why does that son-of-a-bitch not only get Anya, but Buffy?

I know Buffy won't ever love me. I'm just the dorky friend. I've accepted it, and as long as she's happy, so am I.

But she's not happy.

And Anya. I love her so much. I know I shouldn't have left her that day, but I was panicking, and I didn't want to turn into my dad, and…. And now she's turning to _him_? To Spike? Why do they both turn to him? Why is _he_ the comfortador?

That will never be me.

-*-

_Faith, This Year's Girl (season 4)_

I could kill her. Right now. I really could.

Stupid bitch. Isn't it enough that she tried to kill me? Ruined my life? Killed my father-figure, cheesy as that sounds?

No. No, it's not enough.

No, she has to get a brand-spankin' new life. Upgraded friends, upgraded school, upgraded boyfriend. Trade in Wolf-Boy and Bitch-Girl for a Witch and an Ex-Demon. Swap the now-exploded high school for a shiny new college campus. And exchange the Undead Eternal Lover that she _tried to kill me over_ for a freakishly tall, standard-issue military boy with no problems going out during the day.

She has this life. I have stolen clothes and this shiny new toy from my one friend. But even if it works… I'm the Dark Slayer, she's the Light Slayer.

That will never be me.

-*-

_Cordelia, post Graduation Day part 2 (season 3)_

I'm not sorry to be leaving Sunnydale. I mean, there's nothing here. No chance at fame, barely any shoes….

OK, so there's something.

Buffy Summers and the rest of them.

I never thought I'd be jealous of her. She's got a crap-tastic life, after all. Doomed love, no way out of Sunnydale, major skincare issues.

But she has friends who actually give a damn about her.

Harmony and the others were OK, I guess. I mean, they could be annoying, but they were there when I needed to talk about clothes or hairstyles. Anything not related to vampires.

After everything with Xander and Willow and Spike and the rebar through my stomach, I chucked the Scoobies. Didn't want anything to do with them.

But they all stuck by her through everything. Through the Angelus craziness, through her run-away phase…. She has friends who will never bail on her.

That will never be me.

-*-

_Willow, early-mid season 3 (couldn't find the exact episode)_

OK, it's not that I don't like Faith. She seems really… nice? Enthusiastic about Slaying? I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say. The point is, it's not that I hate her.

I just hate that she's taken my place as Buffy's best friend.

I barely see Buffy anymore. She's always out patrolling with Faith, or hanging out with Faith, or training with Faith, or going to the Bronze with Faith. Faith, Faith, Faith, Faith, Faith. It's starting to drive me a little bit batty.

I'm not jealous, you know. I'm not. OK, maybe I am, a bit. But it's just, Faith can keep up with Buffy on patrolling. She can fight just as well as Buffy. She kicks ass. She's tough, and she knows it. She can be scary.

That will never be me.

-*-

_Anya, post-Selfless (season 7)_

So now I'm human again, and I have D'Hoffryn after me. It was probably the right choice, but I can't help thinking it's not safe. Because I'm gonna die.

I wish I could know what the best thing to do is. I never had this problem before I lost my powers. Before I became human. Before Xander.

Buffy always seems to know what the best plan is. Even if she's really just flailing along, she makes it seem like she has a clue. She seems competent, in control.

I bet she lives through this. I bet I don't.

I bet she has a great life, with lots and lots of sex, and money, and chocolate, and all the Slaying she wants. I bet she gets everything. I bet she'll be happy.

That will never be me.

-*-

_Buffy, any point in the series_

As much as I love my friends, I know we're different. Too different. They don't understand what it means to be a Slayer. I'm not sure I do either, but I do know that it means I'm different. I hate to say it, but it means I'm better than them. They can't do what I do, feel what I feel.

But they're going to have normal lives. They'll meet some special someones, fall in love, get married, have kids. They'll grow old, and die in bed, surrounded by fat grandkids. They're going to have long, happy, healthy lives.

That will never be me.

-*-

A/N: Well. That was different. Next up, PRIDE! Any suggestions? And I'm going to do the Shameless Author Beg: PLEEEEASE REVIEW!!!


	2. Nothing Can Go Wrong: Pride

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: And here is PRIDE.

Chapter 2: 'Nothing Can Go Wrong (Pride)'

_Willow, post-OMWF, pre-Tabula Rasa (season 6)_

Tara might be upset, but she doesn't need to be. I can control this! I know what I'm doing. I'm not addicted to magic. I can give it up if I want to; I just don't see why I need to.

She's completely overreacting. I have everything under control.

What's the harm in using magic? We both use it. It makes things easier; simpler. And I have to try to find a way to make up for what I did to Buffy.

Not that it was my fault. There was no way to know that she was in Heaven, and not Hell. She fell into a Hell-Portal-Thingy! Hell made more sense than Heaven.

But that's OK, I can fix it. I can make Buffy forget her pain, and I can make Tara forget she was mad.

Nothing can go wrong.

-*-

_Spike, School Hard (season 2)_

The Slayer didn't seem that big a threat. Yeah, she killed what's-his-name, but honestly, it's not that hard. Any Slayer worth her stones should've been able to take that idiot out.

Saturday will be interesting. St. Vigeous, Slayer at my mercy. Bring the total count up to three.

Then Dru and I will rule this crap-town, and then she'll get better, and we'll move on to bigger and better things.

Might go back to Prague; see if they remember us. Might take some prompting. A few dozen maimings and murderings should do the trick.

Coming to Sunnydale was a brilliant idea. Kill the Slayer, heal Dru up good, and spill some blood.

Nothing can go wrong.

-*-

_Faith, Graduation Day part 1 (season 3)_

She can suck it.

I just shot B.'s precious Angel. Let's see how well she does without him there, looming behind her _all the time_.

Only place to go from here is up, baby. The Mayor's gonna Ascend, and then B. and all her little pals are gonna die screaming. I hope he bites her head off first.

This was definitely the right choice. Why the hell should I have stayed with them? They'd only turn on me. They were Buffy's friends, not mine.

I've got my own damn friend now. And we're gonna rule the world.

Nothing can go wrong.

-*-

_Buffy, When She Was Bad (season 2)_

Whatever happens, I can handle it. The Master wants to come back? I can kick his ass from here to next Tuesday. Again. Whatever he wants, I'll do. I'll kill any damn thing that comes near me, big or small, fanged or otherwise.

Xander and Willow and Giles are all saying I'm not exactly… myself lately. I'm not. I'm better than myself. I kick so much ass that it's not even funny. I took on the goddamn freakin' MASTER! I kicked his ass. I win, they lose. So goes life.

Any so-called Big Bads show up, I'll kill 'em. I'll kill 'em so fast nobody will believe it.

Cordelia can stuff it. I'm not being a bitch. I know exactly what I'm doing.

Nothing can go wrong.

-*-

_Buffy, Dirty Girls (season 7)_

That vineyard is hiding something, something valuable, that we need to win this fight. And we _can_ win this fight! I know we can. I can lead these girls into battle, and we can win.

Whatever the First has waiting in the vineyard, I can handle. _We_ can handle.

I know exactly what I'm doing. This is the only way to stop the First Evil, and save the world. Any casualties, and, sadly, there will be at least a few, are necessary.

Costs of war, and all that stiff-upper-lip-y stuff Giles is always spouting on about.

We can take the vineyard, and beat back the First.

Nothing can go wrong.

-*-

A/N: OK! Next is WRATH! Suggestions? Requests? Random Thoughts? Tell me in a REVIEW!


	3. Somebody's Gonna Pay: Wrath

Disclaimer: not mine.

A/N: Here's WRATH! And many thanks to reviewers! Love you all!

Chapter 3: 'Somebody's Gonna Pay (Wrath)'

_Spike, Fool for Love (season 5)_

Stupid bitch. 'You're beneath me'? We'll see who's beneath whom once I _kill you_ and bury you! Then I'll dance on your bloody grave, you stupid bitch!

God I hate her. I hate her as much as I love her, and at the same time. Bloody confusing.

But that doesn't change the facts!

She came to me for help. I helped her with her stupid problem, and what happens? I finally confess (almost, at least) how I feel, and the Ice Queen Cometh! 'You're beneath me'. I ought to rip her bloody lungs out. I would have, long time gone, if this stupid, stupid, _stupid_ chip wasn't in my sodding head! I swear I'm gonna kill her this time. I am _not_ beneath her. If anything, she's beneath me. I deserve better than that… bitch.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Willow, Villains through Grave (season 6)_

Tara is dead.

Warren killed Tara. Tara died in my arms, of a stupid gunshot wound. She got shot. I couldn't heal her.

I lost Tara, right after I finally got her back. If I had known this would happen, I would never have let her go in the first place. I would have given up the magic the first time she asked, no hesitation. Then I would have at least had a little more time with her. And maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe she'd still be alive, and I wouldn't be hunting down the slimy weasels responsible for her death.

I know what I have to do. I have to avenge her death.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Xander, Entropy (season 6)_

That bastard. That bitch. They… how could they? How could she do this to me?

How could she? I love her! I always have, and I always will, and she has to know that! And even if she didn't, why the _hell_ would she… with Spike? SPIKE! A vampire! An evil undead thing!

I can't even see straight. That…. I have no words. I have no words to describe what they've done.

No wait, I can probably think of a few.

She broke my heart.

She had sex with Spike in the Magic Box.

Anya doesn't love me anymore.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Giles, Passion (season 2)_

Angelus murdered Jenny, and left her for me to find on my bed.

I don't care what Buffy says anymore. I don't care that the son of a bitch could probably kill me without blinking.

Jenny is dead. We were about to make everything better again. We were… we were going to be happy. I didn't think that could happen again.

I know it never will now. I'm going to be alone forever.

I've lost my everything. I have nothing left, which sounds melodramatic, but it's true.

I love you, Jenny. I never said it when she was alive. I'll never be able to say it now. Because he killed her.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Dawn, post-Tabula Rasa, pre-Hell's Bells (season 6)_

It might be wrong to be so self-centered. I know Buffy's upset all the time, and I get that. Coming back from Heaven will do that to you.

And I understand that Willow's upset about Tara. I would be too. They loved each other, and then things spiraled out of control.

And I understand that Xander and Anya are obsessing about the wedding. It's a big deal.

And I understand that Spike's preoccupied with mooning over Buffy.

And I understand that Giles had to leave.

Except I don't. I don't understand any of it. Why can't things go back to the way they were? Why can't we all be happy again?

Most of all, I wish that somebody would pay attention to me again. Yes, it's selfish. But I'm a teenager. I can be selfish now and then.

I practically feel invisible. And I don't like it.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Tara, post-OMWF (season 6)_

She's been messing with my mind. With my memory.

How dare she?

Willow knows what I went through with Glory. She knows better than anyone! She took care of me, she saved me, but…. But now she's screwing around with my memories?

This is completely unacceptable.

And she's been using magic more and more, and that's not safe. I worry about her, a lot, and I wish she'd be more careful. I love her too much to lose her to magic.

If I have to, I'll lose her for myself. But I will not watch her spiral into addiction.

If she loves me as much as she says she does, then maybe she'll snap out of it if I give her an ultimatum.

She can't make me watch her lose herself. And if she tries….

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Anya, post-Hell's Bells, pre-Entropy (season 6)_

I swear I will kill him.

How dare he treat me like this? He broke my heart, he humiliated me in front of my friends, he ruined my life. I hate him.

No I don't. I still love him. But I hate him, too. I hate him for the way he hurt me, but I still love him for everything else.

And now I'm a vengeance demon again.

Vengeance is a wonderful concept. He can finally get what's coming to him, like the bastard he is.

Even if I can't make a vengeance wish for myself, maybe I can get one of the others to do it for me. And then I'll twist it into something… fitting.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

_Buffy, Becoming part 2 (season 2)_

Angel is gone. I've accepted it now. Angel is gone, and Angelus is all that's left in his place.

Angelus, I can kill. In fact, I would love to kill him.

Angelus killed my friends. He tormented my family. He's come close to driving me crazy.

Now Kendra is dead, Willow's in the hospital, and Giles has been kidnapped.

Kendra was my sister, in a way. Willow is my best friend. Giles is like my father, since my real dad doesn't seem to care anymore.

He's killed and tormented enough.

Somebody's gonna pay.

-*-

A/N: Next is GLUTTONY. I'm saving LUST for Last, because I can. Suggestions/Requests? No really. I need help for GLUTTONY!


	4. I Need More, Please: Gluttony

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: GLUTTONY!

Chapter 4: 'I Need More, Please (Gluttony)'

_Willow, Triangle through Gone (season 5-6)_

Magic is such a rush. Is this what it's like for Buffy, when she Slays something? If it is, why isn't she Slaying all the time? I think I understand Faith better now. She was very… into this kind of thing. Things that give you a rush, I mean.

I can't get enough of it. It makes me feel more alive, you know? I feel powerful, in control. I feel like I'm actively participating, like I'm not that geeky little computer nerd from high school anymore. Like I actually help save people.

I love this feeling. I love it so much.

If something feels this good, it can't be bad, right?

I need more, please.

-*-

_Dawn, Intervention through Older and Far Away (season 5-6)_

Stealing is bad, I know. But it makes me feel… good, I guess. Alive, anyway. But it's just little things, things that nobody would really miss. I mean, OK, not the jacket I got – stole – for Buffy's birthday, but the rest of it? Little things. OK, the amulet that summoned Sweet? Not little. But that wasn't my fault!

Things have been… difficult lately. Ever since Mom died. I feel like, if she was here, I wouldn't need to steal this stuff. I could talk to her, and feel better that way. I know I should talk to Buffy, but she's… distant. Preoccupied.

Stealing makes me wake up. It makes me feel important again. Like I matter.

I've missed this feeling. A lot.

I need more, please.

-*-

_Angel, post-Beauty and the Beasts, __**and**__ Spike, Never Leave Me (season 3 and 7)_

I drank human blood. Oh God.

This is not good.

Not good in principle, or in practice. I can't have human blood! It… does things to you.

I think I'm losing my mind.

I can't believe I did this.

I killed people! I never wanted to do that again. Never. She wanted me to… she….

I love her. I really do. But how can she love someone, some_thing_, that's killed people? That drank their blood? Worse, did all that with a _soul_?

I really am a monster.

But the worst part is? Even knowing that, knowing that she'll hate me for it, I still want it. I still want the blood. The human blood.

I need more, please.

-*-

_Buffy, Smashed through As You Were (season 6)_

This is wrong.

Violent, kinky sex with an evil vampire who you really don't love, or even like? Kind of the definition of wrong.

But… when I'm with him I feel alive again. Alive the way I haven't since they ripped me out of Heaven. Which I try really hard not to think about.

Is it wrong to do something that makes you feel? Feel anything instead of the icy numbness?

Probably. Especially when the something is 'have sex with Spike'.

Oh God, I have sex with Spike. A lot. And in the Bronze? Behind the Doublemeat Palace?

There has to be something wrong with me. There has to be.

But, no matter how wrong it is, at least I feel something again. That has to count for something, right?

I need more, please.

-*-

A/N: Cool! I thought this would be hard to write, but it was easy! Yay! Next is SLOTH. I'm gonna need help on this one, people! As of now I've only got two for SLOTH. That's not good!


	5. Not Now: Sloth

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: SLOTH! It's mostly Buffy. Sadly. And it's not really… the traditional SLOTH, either. Because that didn't really fit. So I kinda… messed up SLOTH? Oh well.

Chapter 5: 'Not Now (Sloth)'

_Giles_,_ OMWF (season 6)_

I should tell her I'm leaving. I should just leave. I did once already. Granted, she was dead then. But… I can't stay here. She's depending on me when she should be depending on herself. It's not healthy. For her, for me, or for Dawn.

This is insanity. I can't leave! She's my Slayer. She's the closest thing I'll ever have to a daughter.

But….

Parents have to learn when to let go, and I can't let go from here. I've tried, again and again, but I just can't. I have to go away to let go. But I don't want to. I don't know how she'll cope without me.

I don't know how I'll cope without her.

I should tell her I'm leaving.

Not now.

-*-

_Buffy, (season 6)_

I can't really do anything these days. It takes so much to just get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I just roll over and go back to sleep, and then I wake up again and it's the afternoon, and my shift starts in an hour. And then sometimes I just roll over again.

Moving seems… difficult. I can barely stand without feeling exhausted. Just being alive is dragging me down.

I miss Heaven.

I can't do this anymore. I can't just keep going, pretending everything's fine, when it's really, really not.

Everything's falling apart, and I don't care that I can't do anything about it.

For some reason I can't bring myself to care that much about what's going on around me. Willow's becoming addicted to magic; Dawn's a klepto; and Xander and Anya split apart at the seams. I kicked Spike to the curb, and I can't care that he's following me around like a lost puppy. Giles left. Tara left. Mom is dead.

I am completely alone, and I cannot make myself care.

Not now.

-*-

A/N: Short. Sad. Next: GREED! Probably another short one. Help me out!


	6. Mine: Greed

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: GREED! And thank you again to all reviewers! I love ya to bits!!!

Chapter 6: 'Mine (Greed)'

_Anya, Triangle (season 5)_

That red-headed witch thinks she can steal my Xander? HA. He's my Xander, nobody else's. I love him. My Xander.

I know she's gay _now_, but she wasn't before! She stole Xander from Cordelia. That's the whole reason I came to this stupid piece of crap town in the first place! To make a Vengeance-Wish for Cordelia. And that was fun. Except for the end part. But that's beside the point!

The point is, I'm on to her. I know her. She's Xander's best friend. He listens to her when he doesn't listen to me. She could get him to leave me! But I won't let that happen. No way. Not with Xander. I've lost enough already. Because you know what Xander Harris is?

Mine. Not hers.

Mine.

-*-

_Cordelia, The Wish (season 3)_

All right. Xander is gone. No more Xander. He's of the past, and I am all about the present, and especially the future. And in this future, there are no more vampires, no more ishy monsters that explode and leave you covered in slime.

I'm going to take back my place as Queen Cordelia of Sunnydale High, and there's nothing anybody can do to change that. They can't stop me.

Not even Harmony and her stupid little geek-boy-joke can throw me off my game for good. I _will_ be back on top at this stupid piece of crap school before too long. And people will finally give me the respect I deserve again.

God, I'd forgotten how much I miss it. Respect. Adoration. Popularity. It's like a drug, except better, cuz you don't have those icky marks on your arms.

And it's all mine once again.

Mine.

-*-

_Dawn, pre-Into the Woods (season 5)_

There are days that I hate my sister.

She has this awesome life. She's the Slayer, which means she can kick so much ass that it's not even funny. She's got the coolest boyfriend, Riley Finn. He's way cooler than Angel, who was a vampire. Riley was part of this demon-fighting-government-agency last year, and then when he found out they were evil he helped beat them back and save the day. Angel was lame. All he ever did was go crazy.

Plus, Buffy's got all these cool friends. Willow and Xander and Anya and Tara and Giles. And Spike, I guess. I mean, he's awesome. Totally. But, I don't think he counts as her friend. She really doesn't like him. It's funny when she threatens to kill him; I know she won't. She needs him around, for some reason. And he's totally in love with her. I think they'd be good together, if she'd just stop threatening to kill him, and if he stopped being mean. But I don't think that'll happen anytime soon.

Speaking of people being together, I absolutely love Willow and Tara. They're so cute together. I know Mom doesn't really think I know about them, but I figured it out. And Anya's OK, I guess. I really like Xander, too. He's funny.

But the point is, Buffy's got an almost-perfect life, and she's always bitching about it. She wants a 'normal life'. Bull crap. I know she doesn't really want a normal life. She'd do horribly if she was normal. I know. Because guess who has a completely normal, and lame, and stupid piece of crap, and boring, and not-special life?

Me.

You know what I would do with her life? I want it so much. The things I would do if I was as special as Buffy….

That would be awesome, if her life were mine.

Mine.

-*-

_Buffy, seasons 1-4_

I don't want to be the Slayer anymore. I'm tired of fighting and Slaying. I want a social life. I want a normal boyfriend, with no secrets. I want to be focused on school, and how I have a stupid piece of crap test tomorrow that I need to study for, and then actually pass it. I want to spend Friday nights at a party, with my friends, not out in a cemetery stabbing random smelly dead guys with wooden pointy things. I want a normal life! Is that too much to ask? I don't think it is, but apparently Buffy Summers is destined to be a social outcast for all eternity.

But I can dream about it. A normal life. A normal boyfriend. Nothing special or exceptional about me. A normal life.

Mine.

-*-

A/N: So that was kinda lame. I like to think the Anya one was funny? And the Dawn one got out of hand length-wise. Last up is LUST!


	7. I Want: Lust

Disclaimer: not mine

A/N: LUST! And, sadly, the end. I had lots of fun with these drabbles. Drabbles are more fun to write than chapter-fics. And yes, it's **very different**, but LUST is usually two-sided in BTVS-world. So these drabble-thingies are too. Plus, I was kind of on Nyquil when I wrote a lot of this… being plague-ridden sucks. So that's why it's odd.

Chapter 7: 'I Want… (Lust)'

_Buffy and Angel/Angelus, Surprise/Innocence (season 2)_

'I want this. I want him. I don't care if I'm 'not ready'. I know what I want, and what I want, is Angel.'

'I don't deserve her. I really don't. But I love her, and I want this, and I want her.'

'Oh, God. There's no possible way this could be bad. Nothing this good could be bad.'

'I haven't felt this good in so long….'

'I love him. I love Angel more than… more than I'll ever love anyone. I want to be with him forever.'

'Oh God. Oh God. This isn't good. Oh no. No, no, no no nononono….'

'I love him. I love Angel. I want to always have my Angel with me.'

'I'm free. Free of that nagging bitch of a soul. Free to do whatever I want.'

'I want…'

'I want….'

-*-

_Willow and Kennedy, The Killer in Me through Chosen (season 7)_

'I don't love her. Not like I loved Tara.'

'She's so beautiful. I think I'm in love with her.'

'We'll probably die tomorrow. Is it wrong to be looking for… for companionship on what might be the last night of my life? _I_ don't think so.'

'I don't think she loves me. Not yet, anyway.'

'If I can't have Tara, I don't think I really want anyone else. Not the same way I wanted her.'

'But I can make her love me. If I have enough time… but we don't have any more time. Tomorrow we're taking on the First. We might die tomorrow.'

'Oh, Tara. I miss you so much. I love you.'

'Is that the reason she's with me? Because we might die?'

'Tara…'

'I don't care. I still want her. All of her.'

'I want…'

'I want….'

-*-

_Riley and Buffy, pre-Into the Woods (season 5)_

'I love her. I love her. She's everything I ever wanted in a girl. She's tough, and brave, and beautiful. I love her.'

'Riley's… sweet. And it's nice, because he has a pulse, and he can go outside in daylight. It's a nice change from my usual.'

'I would do anything for her. I left the Initiative for her; I defied my friends and family for her.'

'I care about him, I really do. He's a great guy.'

'All I ask for in return is for her to let me in. With everything that's going on, I just feel like she's shutting me out.'

'But I can't depend on him the way I want to. I can't depend on anyone. I have to be strong. I have to be the dependable one, not the depender. God, that word sounds weird now.'

'I want her to trust me like she used to. I want her to let me back in.'

'I want someone I can rely on, but I can't have that. I want someone who will just do what I say, without needing an explanation. I guess I don't want a boyfriend. What do I want?'

'I want…'

'I want….'

-*-

_Willow and Xander, Homecoming through Lovers' Walk (season 3)_

We know it's wrong. We're both in committed relationships, and we both love our respective partners.

And yet, here we are again.

In the library, sneaking illicit smoochies.

Very wrong. Very very wrong.

'Oz. I love Oz. I don't want to hurt him.'

'I think I love Cordelia. I know I care about her. I don't want to hurt her either.'

And yet, even with thoughts like these, we find ourselves playing footsie under the table, while our significant others sit right in front of us.

"I think we're going to hell."

"Right there with you."

But it doesn't change anything.

'I want…'

'I want….'

-*-

_Spike and Buffy, OMWF through As You Were (season 6)_

'I love her. I love her. I know she doesn't love me, and she probably never will, but I don't care.'

'I don't love him. But he loves me. He wants me. He makes me feel again, even if it's not really the best feelings that I feel. At least there's something.'

'I may not have a soul, but I still love her with everything I have. Granted, that might not be much, these days, but it's what I've got. And it's all hers.'

'In some ways, I kind of hate him. I don't love him, or really even like him. I _do_ hate him, in some ways. With everything I have. Which isn't much, these days.'

'I know this won't last. I have to take what itty bitty scraps she throws me. No matter how much it stings.'

'It makes me feel dirty, afterwards. After the… good part, I mean. I don't want to feel dirty. I mean, I want to feel, but not this.'

'I love her. I really love her. I want her. She's everything to me. But she can't see that. I wish she could.'

'There's no real love here. Not on my part, anyway. But I do… want.'

'I want…'

'I want….'

-*-

_Joyce and Giles, Band Candy, Earshot, and The Body (seasons 3 and 5)_

It was straight up lust, is what it was. Two teenagers (sort of), on their own. Lust is just… well, it tends to happen. Sometimes.

And yes, they both regretted it for months afterwards. Buffy finding out was especially awkward. But it happened, so they accepted it and moved on.

But two years later, when she died all too young, he finds himself remembering her. Remembering that night, without the embarrassment that comes with realizing you slept with someone while under some kind of influence.

And he realizes that he needed her that night, and that she'd probably needed him. He had still been grieving for Jenny, and she had still been hung up over Hank. One mad romp (or two) on a police car was enough to shake them both out of their ruts.

And he is grateful to her, and he toasts her memory, and prepares to protect her daughters to his last breath.

As he drinks, he remembers that night again.

'I want….'

-*-

A/N: TA-DAA! Nice long one. Yes, the Giles/Joyce and Willow/Xander bits were formatted differently. That was intentional. Not sure why, but I wanted to. And those are BTVS's Seven Deadly Sins! Thanks for reading/reviewing/favorite-ing! You guys made my week!

A/N2: OK, so I just reread this and I feel the need to jump up and down squee-ing, except with words. I'm actually really proud of this one! Lots of parallels and subtleties (if I do say so myself). If you're bored, try to find them! Because it's not just all sex-LUST. Some of it is LUST for other things, like freedom-to-kill-things (Angelus), or the-ability-to-feel (Buffy). I am inordinately proud of this chapter. And I just felt like telling you that. Damn Nyquil! Seriously, being sick is not fun. OK, done rambling now. HAPPY FRIDAY!


End file.
